Someone tweeted a question and asked, “What was the dumbest thing you did as a kid?”
Another responded, “Wished I was an adult.”
I hate that I can relate to this.
As a child I wanted freedom. I wanted to be like those Aunties and Uncles who could do whatever they wanted, go out when they liked and return with nobody hassling them.
There was a compound separated from ours by a farm where we usually go to play as children. Sometimes we forget that we were supposed to go for Block Rosary and play past 6 pm.
The sound of my father's motorcycle was a good reset, we would rush out, run through the farm and follow the backyard like little thieves into the compound.
On the lucky days, we had enough time to wash our feet and rush out to prayer. We hung our scarves by the door so it was easy for my sister and I to stand outside and draw our scarf. It immediately comes to us like magic.
As my father brings in his brown “ladies” motorcycle from the backyard, we zoom past my mother through the front, pausing long enough to greet her before flying to the compound where we held prayers. If she has some heavy loads, we hurriedly take it in and leave before my father comes in.
Why were we running? My father is a retired teacher and had a special cane for us at home for the days our brain started to dey touch. Going to Block Rosary amongst other things was compulsory.
Childhood was practically adults directing on what to do. Did they think I’m a robot they could control with a remote? So you see, I wanted freedom.
I grew up in a “public” yard in the eastern part of the country where everyone is in everyone’s face. Many Aunties and Uncles had lived in the compound over the years. They used to tell me, “Don't worry you will soon grow up.”
The older ones used to talk about their twenties occasionally. If you catch them talking about it then you are in for a gist. They will talk about the parties, the campus life, and the women/ men.
Online Uncles and Aunties are part of it. I see tweets and posts from older people sometimes about their 20s, they talk about how much fun it was and how they made some bad decisions but also good ones.
Those who didn't live with their parents discussed the freedom of nobody telling them when to return home at a certain time and how they partied all night. Party ke? In this same Nigeria?
All these made me yearn so much for the 20s; a room to myself, earning my money, and being a baby girl. I wanted to borrow some magic from Harry Poter and fast forward to my teenage years.
It seems like the magic worked. I have 2 years plus to wrap up the 20s. I have realised that this 20s is not the one they talked about so much.
Your life starts now
I am 27, single, with a leaking bank account (because tell me why money disappears immediately it enters—needs dey chase the income before e enter), and no child (because I’m not even mad to born pikin in this economy).
And as I am typing this, my brain is asking me “So when will your own life start gan gan gan?” Na see finish shaa. Aside from responsibilities, I don't know what they mean by my life.
I didn't bargain that I would get a job and have to earn a living. So which life is starting? I miss when my only problem was that I hated noodles and my mum would figure out an alternative thing for me to eat.
20s you party and have fun
LMAO. It's funny. You should laugh too. Laughter is the closest I have come to that fun they said comes with 20s.
While I understand that people's definition of fun differs, I have not had fun by my definition and other people's definitions.
I have the freedom but nobody told me I would pay for it. Nobody told me I would slave off at jobs to earn money that has been allocated before salaries come. I wasn't told that it wasn't just parties, that I had to take care of myself too.
I have been to a nightclub only once in 2018 for the anniversary of the radio station I was volunteering with at that time. It was a group thing. I practically have zero % social life except for going out with friends once in a blue moon.
I would have said “You should invite me to parties” but my brain reminded me of my account balance.
20s you become a Rich Aunty
I am still not a rich Aunty (the last time I bought something for my nieces and nephews was…*stares in forgetfulness) and the rich Aunty life in all other aspects is still miles away from me.
My mates are going to nice places and the best Chidera my friend could do was to plot to kill me. Yes, how can you explain her taking me hiking—to climb rocky hills and rough roads?
I worry about money more than it worries about me. When the money isn't there, there is a problem and when it comes, double wahala.
You start thinking of how to share it amongst the numerous needs including black tax.
So which money will I use to sew fine clothes and handbags to do Rich Aunty bikonu? Which money will I use to spoil myself and go to fine places?
The next thing I am going to do after this is to “unsave” all those fine places saved on my TikTok and IG that I would love to visit in Abuja.
20s you get married and have children
The closest I have come to marriage is when my first boyfriend said that even when he leaves the country he would return to Nigeria to marry me. LMAO.
Don’t ask me what happened. The relationship ended before he left the country.
Another close brush is when my second boyfriend said I am the woman he wants to do life with.
Don't worry, there is no third. Where I wan see man?
Is it the guy I met at the bank who asked me “Where are we going from here, your place or mine”?
The audacity and joblessness because how can you be looking for someone who will follow you home on a Monday morning?
Is it the one I gave my number and he started texting me around 1:00 am to tell me he loves me and is willing to fight for me? Mike Tyson, well done.
Let's not even talk about the silly one who asked me to follow him to go and meet his friend for drinks around 8 PM when I was rushing to get home. Bros, how will I follow a stranger? How will I get home after because you and I entered keke?
Ooh Bolt? Who will pay for it? I will go home to my bed because I don't want to trend on Nigeria's Twitter for going out without money and expecting a man to take care of my bills.
As for children, with all these problems I just talked about, will you encourage me to think of that?
I will continue to carry other people's children in church and elsewhere. The best thing about other people’s children is that you can return them.
So what exactly is the problem?
Our expectations of the 20s are unrealistic. We were told the good parts but not the struggles. Also, the world has changed and Nigeria is worse than it was 30 to 50 years ago… how can you explain that we don't have a middle class anymore?
Lastly, I have concluded that money is a huge part of my problems. Why did we leave Communalism for Capitalism? Otherwise, I will be dragging people’s money with them. (Don’t tell me that’s not what communalism means)
Why didn't the creator send us down with all the money we needed? Okay, let's say it's impossible to do that through the womb, we could have a place where we go to collect the money that we will use to start our lives once we turn 18 or 20.
Don't you agree with me?
Ooh, it will be fair, the angels will have a register to mark the names of those who have collected.
So if you decide to be like the Biblical prodigal son who wasted his share, you will start hustling by yourself.
See? My brain comes up with amazing ideas. Let's pitch this to God for the next world.
Let's leave money aside first and discuss the confusion. Why didn't our purpose come imprinted on our foreheads when we slid out of the womb naked like jaybirds and wailing at the top of our voices?
We are out here trying to find why we are here, what we should do, how we should do it and the best way to live a fulfilled life.
To show you how crazy this is, we have been thinking about what we want to be when we grow up since kindergarten. And till the 20s we are still confused. Should I follow this path or the one? Which one leads to the fulfilment of my purpose, left or right?
Let’s take a step back to three paragraphs before. Yes, that money that I said we should set aside? Bring it back. You need it.
Why? Because you don't just want to fulfil your purpose, you want to not be hungry. So that your brain can think and you can function well.
deep sigh
20s are tough no doubt but I do think it gets better. You will understand yourself more, find that job and be happy.
One thing I am sure of is that you will figure out. Don’t forget to live on your terms and don't make decisions purely based on money.
If 20s no work again make we try 30s. Don't forget that I’m rooting for you.
With love and everything beautiful,
Chinonyelum.
Media for the week
Books
I read Rudy Francisco’s Chapbook, “I will fly away” for he 100th time. It was a delight. Every time feels like the first time.
If you love to read poetry follow Rudy on IG and read his work as well as buy.
Podcast
I didn’t listen to any podcasts last week. I usually listen when I am working. But I tried catching up with my courses last week. I couldn’t watch the courses and listen to podcasts at once. But you should check out the Feel Better, Live More podcast and What Now with Trevor Noah.
Music
I listened to more Nigerian music last week, a bit of Lifesize Teddy, Qing Madi, Shallipopi and the rest of them. I was just in the mood for Nigerian songs.
I also listened to Angel Haze. I love the song she did with Sia, Battle Cry, you should check it out if you like songs with a rap and chorus.